@myonlymizztake: Autocorrect changed fries to friend and I think I've offered to eat my friend. I'm not sure if I should clarify, or see where it goes.
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@Parentpains: Thought I had $707 in my bank account, turns out it was "LOL" and I was holding my statement upside down.
@Jandalize: Sometimes it's hard to nap at work. Like, when the boss is standing beside you or when you don't have a job.
@AmishPornStar1: So, if he gets divorced for the third time... Does Melania get to keep the White House?
@ms_woodsy: Each and every pizza can be a personal pizza if you just believe in yourself and don't have any friends.