@Jandalize: Autocorrect changed 'get a life' to 'get a wife' and now my daughter is a lesbian.
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@urfavoritejoel: I say "Hey man, I got your back." He thanks me until he collapses from being spineless. I give his back to an infant. "Baby got back." I say
@PetrickSara: Someone said that my kid would probably grow up to be president, and I'm not sure if it was meant as a compliment or an insult.