@Jandalize: Autocorrect changed 'get a life' to 'get a wife' and now my daughter is a lesbian.
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@5hael: I think I'm a genius.... I just solved a rubiks cube so fast! It only took me 5 minutes and 25 seconds to peel off all the stickers.
@SeanEmeny: "My place is a mess" - Every girl, ever.... "Well in that case, I'm not coming in" - No guy, ever