@Jandalize: Autocorrect changed 'get a life' to 'get a wife' and now my daughter is a lesbian.
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@ghostkrogh: america: tremble at our nuclear might also america: we skip the number 13 on elevators when we build skyscrapers cos that's spooky
@noog: Jesus: Behold my powers. *walks onto water and falls in* [back in heaven] God: HAHAHAHAHA Angel: HAHAHAHA "behold my powers" God: HAHAHAHA
@VaguelyFunnyDan: My wife is enjoying the attention I've been giving her lately & though painting a phone on her face is inconvenient, it's saved our marriage
@brendanmcginley: The Riddler always struck me as the Batman villain most likely to have been a pickup artist.