@moose_chocolate: Autocorrect changed "you're so wise" to "you're so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
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@SgtButtCheeks: I once knew a brother so smooth he wore a bluetooth in each ear and held the exact same conversation with 2 separate women at the same time
@OhMattyBoy: I love the people in parking lots with "free kittens" signs because I too feel that kittens shouldn't be oppressed.
@sumpeoplelikeit: Whoa there, pregnancy test. You just tell us yes or no and we'll decide if it's positive or negative.
@SteveSuckington: I used to brag that my dad worked in the food court. I thought he was a food lawyer. Shoulda wondered why a lawyer would wear a sbarro shirt