@moose_chocolate: Autocorrect changed "you're so wise" to "you're so wide", and now I need to find a good hiding spot before my wife comes home.
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@JermHimselfish: I am constantly putting things where they don't belong, like the cereal in the fridge or my keys in the laundry or my faith in other people.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Oh, you're an early riser? Yes. Have kids? No. A farm? No. Insomnia? No. Medical condition? No. Psycho.
@AndRyanTF: I'm not high! - high people I'm not drunk! - drunk people I'm not lying! - lying people I'm not gay! - my brother
@stephenjmolloy: God: But if you use your sting you will die. Bee: That will teach us not to abuse our power. How did the wasps take that news? God: Err...