@SpacePlankton: Autocorrect doesn't recognize my gangsta nature.
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@Tmoney68: Give a man a fish and chances are you won't be asked to be in charge of buying a gift "from all of us" anymore.
@MissBamantha: I like to pride myself on knowing whether it's Ice Ice Baby or Under Pressure by the first bum bum bum badda dum bum.
@Brampersandon_: COWORKER: you got like 8 hickeys. Must've been a fun weekend haha ME (remembering not to talk about octopus fight club): yea it got pretty wild
@markhoppus: MY WIFE HAS, AFTER A 14 MONTH LONG IN-DEPTH INVESTIGATION, FOUND NO EVIDENCE THAT I TOOK THE LAST LA CROIX FROM THE REFRIGERATOR THAT SHE WAS SAVING FOR AFTER HER WORKOUT EVEN THOUGH IT WAS CLEARLY LABELED "MARK DON'T DRINK THIS YOU IDIOT."