@JohnLyonTweets: Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.
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@dafloydsta: NURSE: What's your blood type? ME: Oh, I'm not picky. I'll drink any kind. NURSE: What? ME: What?
@RollAroundSue: Finished my 2nd glass of wine. Husband doesn't know it yet but he has a 30 second window of getting laid before I pass ou
@xLiserx: BF: Come over. Let's do sex. Me: I'm tired. BF: I have tacos. Me: It's late. Brendan Fraser: I won't make you watch my movies. Me: On my way
@AndrewNadeau0: I'm not rich in money, but I'm rich in friends and family. You know, the bad kind of rich.