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@UncleDuke1969: Autocorrect is why I have crust issues.
@simoncholland: 2016 has been pretty bad but at least girls stopped drawing mustaches on their index fingers and holding them under their noses.
@OhNoSheTwitnt: If you love something set it on fire. If it doesn't die, you have a dragon.
@grifteezy: Meet my cat, Hemingway. And my two dogs, Faulkner and Whitman. I know what books are. Ah yes, my macaw approaches. His name is Literature
@MrPooni: "I'm not racist but..."
@TheGladStork: Fill the piñata with goat intestines to teach children about the brutal consequences of violence.