@LionJenkins: Autocorrect just changed "Selfies" to "Selfless" so I just took a picture without me in it.
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@Thynebear: [baby takes its first steps] me in a cop outfit: not even close to a straight line buddy, you're going away for a long long time.
@lazerdoov: *on a first date* Her: so nice to finally be out with someone normal Me: aw thanks *turns to the waiter* Me: do you have pony meat
@Adar79Angie: You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance.