@LionJenkins: Autocorrect just changed "Selfies" to "Selfless" so I just took a picture without me in it.
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@TragicAllyHere: Don't you hate when you're an astronaut and someone opens the hatch to go into space and you're like, "nooooo, all my air guitars!"
@KirillWasHere: If I had a dollar for every time I thought about you, I would start thinking about you.
@peeznuts: Child in a car: Strap them to the seat or you will be fined and jailed. Bus full of children: They'll be fine just throw em in there.
@AimeeHelene1: It's just a flesh wound... *looks down at hibachi knives I just pretended I was Master Chef with* *looks at bystander I just chop chopped*