@BadJordon: Autocorrect just changed 'so thirsty' to 'sloth irate' and I'm slowly getting angry about it.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@thecrabbyhook: Sometimes I like to spend my Sunday afternoon being screamed at by a 5 year old for eating the sandwiches I made for her imaginary friend.
@TheHyyyype: Signs that your wife is cheating on you: 1. Wearing more makeup and perfume than usual 2. Acting distant 3. Sleeping with another dude
@BuckyIsotope: Nude Descending a Staircase is both my favorite work of art and the most common entry on my criminal records.
@kcmoore51: Me: I made you a playlist... Her: OMG! THAT'S SO ROMANTIC! Me: It only has songs about food.