@KKAlThani: Autocorrect just changed "what are your plans" to "plants". Yes autocorrect, I'm curious if they're growing roses or sunflowers?
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@thejayroyal: A girl drinks 4 cosmos over a span of 60 minutes. 25 mins later, she texts 3 of her besties. How many emojis will she use? Show your work.
@weinerdog4life: As I rise from my slumber the children scream in horror, as they did not know I was in the McDonald's Playland ball pit
@ShortSleeveSuit: Her: You’re always teaching the kids how to use things improperly! Me [flattens out a piece of lettuce, takes my writing ham out of the tackle box]: Go on...
@Reverend_Scott: BRUCE WAYNE: [enters meeting room still wearing Batman cape] what's first today? NEW GUY: OMG Bruce Wayne is Bat- INTERN: [covering new guy's mouth] we pretend we don't know