@GuyThe_Guy: Autocorrect just turned "stepdaughter" into "lying manipulative drug addict that lives in the basement and brings dudes in thru the slider"
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@mydanimarie: Ok parents who refer to their kids by age... I can play too. "22 always wants BJs before class. 39 just wants pictures for his golf buddies"
@turtledumplin: Cashier: would u like a bag? Me: no I'll just carry the economy box of pads & Midol out so whoever thinks of kidnapping me will think twice
@AnitaHelmet: If men knew the effect their scent has on women, they'd shower more and fart less.
@Book_Krazy: [Airport security] Guard: Your flight leaves in 5 minutes Centipede: No problem. I'll just run. I have 100 legs. Guard: Remove your shoes