@GuyThe_Guy: Autocorrect just turned "stepdaughter" into "lying manipulative drug addict that lives in the basement and brings dudes in thru the slider"
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@trojansauce: LOIS LANE: *pulls back from kissing* clark your glasses are hurting my nose can you take them off CLARK KENT: no
@thatguyJA: I'm confused, why does the Gangnam Style guy want to launch a nuclear attack on the US?
@radtoria: [intercom] Please stop putting clown shoes on the sacrificial goat. The ritual is in 3 days & the other cults aren't taking us seriously.
@_davidlucas_: *Buying flowers* Sales girl: Would you like the receipt? Me: Sure! If they don't work, I'll be bringing them back.