@GuyThe_Guy: Autocorrect just turned "stepdaughter" into "lying manipulative drug addict that lives in the basement and brings dudes in thru the slider"
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@mjkspeaks: [arguing w girlfriend] Her: I feel like we have communication problems. Me: srsly? wow I text u like every day.
@DanMentos: "Mom guess what I'm getting married!!!" Is he rich? "I think so. His name is Charles Mansion"
@Skullcat: Hate to brag, but a cute fireman gave me his number today. It's only 3 digits & he said it's only for emergencies, but I know what he meant