@rachelle_mandik: Autocorrect turned your lynch mob into a lunch mob? Maybe if you ate something you wouldn't be so angry.
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@djdarrellripley: Me: You're so selfish! Her: I'm selfless! I spent the last 4 weekends giving back to my community. Me: Oh Please, that was court-ordered..
@SomeChrisTweets: All of my friends are getting married and loving their careers and then there's me, luring wayward ships into the rocks with ethereal songs.
@Petote: My fish makes so much noise during the night that I wake up six times a night to ask him if we are fighting