@peterjames48: Autocorrect wants to capitalize bacon, out of respect.
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@AnkCoupleTO: [almost at the moon] Buzz: *explosive diarrhea* DID YOU PUT SOMETHING IN THE TANG, ARMSTRONG? Neil: *steals speech out of his pocket* nope
@OtherDanOBrien: Mugger: Gimme yer wallet & don't do nuthin dumb Me: That's a double negative, my friend. Unlike Romance languages, English - hey, come back
@shutupmikeginn: "Oh, you're left handed?" - people who see me writing with my left hand, curious if I'm just doing it for show
@realHamOnWry: Mrs.Potato seemed genuinely upset that her husband was missing, but the smell of French fries in her kitchen made the detectives suspicious.