@peterjames48: Autocorrect wants to capitalize bacon, out of respect.
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@hippieswordfish: lobster christian grey: 'my tastes are very.....singular' *opens closet door revealing hundreds of rubber bands*
@crushingbort: #ThingsGirlsDoThatGuysHate tease a man and get all his attention while the second velociraptor ambushes him from his blind spot
@_UltimateTwit: Like most parents, my wife and I love to proudly watch our beautiful little daughter whilst she sleeps. Freaks her husband out though.