@NikkiLavelle: Autocorrect will be the dress of me
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@CakeThrottle: Today I learned that wolves are not ticklish. Tomorrow I need to learn how to tie my shoes with one hand.
@GuyEndoreKaiser: After he loses, everyone who supported Trump should have to spend a year on an island where he gets to make all the decisions.
@TheRolo: And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance... Barista: Sir your Caffè Mocha is ready. Me: Oh ok nevermind.
@AlexvanBeek: Being a bigger account doesn't make you a better person. We're all terrible people. We're on twitter. I threw a baby at a fox this morning.