@GensPlace: Avoid cars that have a sign saying 'baby on board'. That driver has only had a couple of hours sleep and is likely to be suicidal.
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@HomeProbably: What do you call a man who does all the cooking, cleaning and washing without complaint? Single.
@TheAlexNevil: I put hydrogen peroxide on a cut to show 7 it doesn't MOTHER OF GOD WHAT IS THIS STUFF MADE FROM THE BLOOD OF PIRANHAS?! IT BURNS, IT BURNS!
@PabloGSerski: Since joining Twitter, about 8 aggressive lampposts have walked up to me in the street and punched me in the face.