@Donna_Gallers: Avoid the horror of watching your children’s nativity this year by using a condom approximately six years before you have to attend.
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@WilliamHale1: A wise man once said... absolutely nothing. He let her vent and then they had sex afterward.
@charliedelta7: My 4yo: Dad, you're old, right? Me: I'm not that old. 4: You're not new. Me: Go to bed.
@robynpalmer1: Got to THE GATES and St. Peter said, "Go home you're drunk!" Just another time alcohol saved my life.