@Donna_Gallers: Avoid the horror of watching your children’s nativity this year by using a condom approximately six years before you have to attend.
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@caliluvgirl77: 1990- I have three-way calling, we can all talk for hours 2015- don't even leave me a voicemail unless you are dying or I won money
@Vodkantots: Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma'am? Me: No, I'm just dizzy b/c I'm having a heavy flow day. It's really clotty and... Cop: You're free to go.
@Fred_Delicious: "sir, can i ask why you're smoking TWO huge blunts?" "officer, I'm..." *turns to camera* "double jointed" *cop starts breakdancing*