@NotthatAdamWest: Avril Lavigne and Chad Kroeger's engagement proves that not only is love blind, it's also deaf.
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@PeterClayton6: (Adobe CEO's house) Like the new couch hun? Update it. What about the wallpap… UPDATE IT ALL. You're scaring the ki… UPDATE THEM TOO…
@trevso_electric: I would rather weave a suit out of my grandfather's pubic hair than "pull an all-nighter" with you.
@marknorm: After learning about hieroglyphics, it makes you realize that Egyptians invented the emoji.
@murrman5: *shipwrecked diary* Day 1: alone, doing well. Mentally sound. Met a crab Day 2: I have married the crab. Day 3: I have eaten my wife.