@HuffPostComedy: Awww, how nice for wittle Jeb #JokeoftheDay #Conan
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@Try2StopME: Hey, girl at the gym that keeps moving to the opposite corner every time I get on the machine next to you, yes, I feel the chemistry too.
@sucittaM: Eventually we'll all just have one app on our phones that electrocutes you when you stop looking at it.
@Fred_Delicious: *cop bursts into bathroom* "KID DON'T FLUSH THOSE DRUGS!" *toilet is wearing shades* "damn. we're too late" *toilet rides off on motorcycle*
@Biraahwa: Her: *smiles* You fill those out very nicely. Me: (looks at jeans)Thanks. Bank Teller: Sir, could you please pass back the forms? Me: Ohh!