@HuffPostComedy: Awww, how nice for wittle Jeb #JokeoftheDay #Conan
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@Laser_Cat: If you subtract all the sex robots those NASA nerds built, the moon landing only cost like eighty dollars.
@stonedcoldlazy: Things I've learned on Twitter: 1. A Twitter Crush is not a soft drink 2. Naps rule 3. Pants are optional 4. Everybody hates Nickelback
@FilthyRichmond: I wanna get in touch with those teachers who told me that I have potential, and be like, "Ha! I didn't amount to anything! In your face!"