@Boleyngirly: Awww. It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch..
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@ericsshadow: [on a date] Play it cool don't let her know you're a refrigerator [her ex-boyfriend turns off the electricity] "This isn't cool man."
@jake_likes_naps: [accidentally calls teacher "mom"] MY BRAIN: shit, play it cool. say something. ME: what's for dinner tonight BRAIN: what
@InternetHippo: All the adults who used to tell me "When you're older you'll understand" - I appreciate your optimism but have some bad news
@KissabiX: [at a farm] Dairy cow: Oooh that tickles Sheep: Look I got a new "hairdo" Chicken: Cool I didn't want to know any of my children anyway