@Boleyngirly: Awww. It looks like the neighbors are having the police dept over for brunch..
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@panmidwest: FRIEND: where do you work ME: I can't tell you FRIEND: really? like it's top secret? ME [unemployed]: correct
@stephenjmolloy: *6 hours of Russian roulette* Me: "I think I forgot to load a bullet in this gun."
@PaperWash: If your online dating profile says "I don't have sex on the first date" then that's why you're on a dating website.