@: Why is “silly goose” a phrase have u ever met a goose they are the most serious and powerful dinosaur lookin monsters I’ve ever encountered not one of them is silly

@vineyille: Scientist next to me: My god. Reality is a simulation. Me (also a scientist): My god. I haven't fed my tamagotchi in 17 years.

@TheTimmyToes: If I were a literary character, I would be the grandpa in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory that doesn't get to go

@: On TV no men can tie a necktie but all women can and there’s no backstory to explain it

@TheCatWhisprer: No parent wants to see their child grow up and join a cult or a cable news political panel.