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@E_lok44: "Awww. There there."
*pats you on the face. Hard
@: Why is “silly goose” a phrase have u ever met a goose they are the most serious and powerful dinosaur lookin monsters I’ve ever encountered not one of them is silly
@vineyille: Scientist next to me: My god. Reality is a simulation.
Me (also a scientist): My god. I haven't fed my tamagotchi in 17 years.
@TheTimmyToes: If I were a literary character, I would be the grandpa in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory that doesn't get to go
@: On TV no men can tie a necktie but all women can and there’s no backstory to explain it
@TheCatWhisprer: No parent wants to see their child grow up and join a cult or a cable news political panel.