@Dawn_M_: Don't date men who will hold open a door for you. Date men who will punch a squirrel in the face for chittering it's teeth at you.

@robyn_vo: People who say their migraine is going to be the death of them are totally right because I just killed a lady right after she said that.

@tastefactory: "YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER YOU HAVE A CUT ON YOUR FINGER" - salt

@bouncerface: Are you serious? It's hard to tell because of all the botox.

@DamonHunzeker: Vader: "I am your father." Luke: "I am your father." Vader: "Stop copying me." Luke: "Stop copying me." Vader: "Shut up." Luke: "Shut up."