@TheZachCozad: Babies are 60% water, I can walk on babies, therefore I am 60% jesus
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@LeslieInMpls: I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look...that one is shaped like an idiot".
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What do you want for your birthday? Me: You could get me a “world’s best dad” mug. 4: You told me not to lie.
@MarloMeekins: 1. Get preg 2. Transfer ur soul to fetus using Satanic alchemy 3. Give birth to yourself 4. Old body dies 5. Be a baby