@TheZachCozad: Babies are 60% water, I can walk on babies, therefore I am 60% jesus
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@Parkerlawyer: My daughter said I was too old for over-the-knee boots so I bought two pair and told her she was too young to borrow them.
@Where__wolf: "Dad Is that a killer whale?" "No son thats an orca" "Oh. Well what's a killer whale?" "U see that whale that's covered n tats & smokin weed
@jergarl: I hate when I put my open beer down and forget where I put it and then I find like 7 open beers.