@TheZachCozad: Babies are 60% water, I can walk on babies, therefore I am 60% jesus
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@myonlymizztake: Got a hot new neighbor, I finally have something to look at with my night vision goggles besides raccoons.
@ilovepie84: They say rabbits don't have glasses because they eat carrots. They also don't have thumbs. I like my thumbs so i don't eat carrots.
@Sarcasticsapien: Why can't we edit tweets? Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."