@TheZachCozad: Babies are 60% water, I can walk on babies, therefore I am 60% jesus
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@RatCasket: [ISIS cuts off some dudes heads] Whoa thats messed up you better quit it! [ISIS breaks old rocks] OKAY WE HAVE TO STOP THEM NOW.
@sbellelauren: the craziest thing about today's story where a bear attacked a 12 year old girl jogging in her neighborhood is WHY IS A 12 YEAR OLD JOGGING
@MomOfTeen: Twitter has ruined me. Just wrote "we'll deliver your load on time" for a transportation client and broke into peals of laughter.