@weinerdog4life: Babies are just like turtles, keep them in water and also feed them turtle food.
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@pixelatedboat: You (dumb, hasn't seen Fight Club): If I buy things I'll be happy Me (smart, has seen Fight Club): I'm going to punch someone in a basement
@RexHuppke: I went into Whole Foods tonight and yelled, "Somebody's Labradoodle just jumped out of a parked Subaru!" and everyone ran out.