@SortaBad: Babies are like Starbucks because they're expensive as shit and yet you still forget them on the roof of your car
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@ReeseButCallMeV: Drugs made me responsible. If it weren't for drugs I might have never started working at 15.
@Marlebean: Boss: Staff meeting at 3:00. Me: I can't come, I'm allergic. Boss: But we're not serving food. Me: ... yeah now I really can't come.
@XplodingUnicorn: 4-year-old: What does God smell like? Me: 4-year-old: Me: Nachos. 4-year-old: With cheese?