@TheCatWhisprer: Babies are okay if you're into alarm clocks that poop.
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@WittySassBasket: M: HEY, DID YOU REMEMBER CONDOMS? H: FFS, use your inside voice M: *whispers* did you remember condoms? H: can this wait til after mass?
@SortaBad: Me: goodnight moon Moon: It's 6pm Me: I know but I'm tired Moon: I literally just got here
@Parentpains: Ever get the feeling someone is watching you when you sleep? Yeah, sorry about that.
@SashaBrenner: One of the wheelchair basketball team players has been tested positive for WD40 :(