@DanielJHannan: Babies are very like governments, you know. Constant appetite at one end, constant mess at the other. And they only ever get bigger.
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@aligarchy: sorry i'm late, i have terrible time management skills and zero perception of distance as it pertains to speed of travel
@bazecraze: Making fun of someone's age is like mocking them for getting hit by a train because you're standing a little further down the tracks.
@electrolemon: to discover what's going on with justin bieber we caught up with his manager scooter braun, who is named after two different types of razors
@ambamthankyamam: Send prayers. Laura on Facebook didn't realize she was out of syrup until AFTER the pancakes were made! It's causing quite a stir...