@DanielJHannan: Babies are very like governments, you know. Constant appetite at one end, constant mess at the other. And they only ever get bigger.
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@lamefactory: 911, what's your emergency? What do you mean you've been stabbed? People can't do that, that's illegal.
@lunasgarden_: I have decided I will never get down to my original weight. Besides 7.5 pounds is unrealistic anyway.
@Aman93deep: My sister is holding her baby in one hand and a cup of Starbucks in the other, I'm going to toss her phone at her to see who gets dropped.
@ClaytonSykes: Barber pointed out my new gray hairs and said I looked refined. I hope someone tells him the key marks on his car looks like racing stripes.