@ceejoyner: Babies have little hands and odd sleep schedules which is why my gym for buff infants has miniature equipment and stays open 24hrs.
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@cervixsmash: Mobile tweeting with 3% battery is a lot like the band playing while the titanic sank
@SladeBlue: Kids want to play with the box the toys come out of. Men want to play with the box the kids come out of.
@donni: Surprise parties are great. Depress your friend by pretending to forget their birthday, then terrify them briefly