@albz: Babies love to shake things, but hate to be shaken. It's like, pick a side, babies.
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@Ditchful: adulthood is like looking both ways before you cross the street and then getting hit by an airplane
@Sir_Strange: "Oh my god, you've gotten so fat! Want me to make you something to eat?" - my mother
@Playing_Dad: [Walking around park with kid] Daughter: Daddy, why is grass green? Me: Because God wants to remind me I have no money everywhere
@LuvPug: Waiter: Can I get you something to drink? Me: just cheese dip Waiter: .... Me: With a straw please