@ClichedOut: Hot Girl: Hey, u single? Me: I am. HG: Cool, can I take this extra chair?

@brianbowman73: I heard you like bad boys? *jumps in pool after eating without waiting an hour* Sup.

@katiefzack: If a guy runs his fingers through your hair, there is a 33.3% chance you are being used as a napkin.

@DamienFahey: Whenever I see an empty pizza box in a neighbor's garbage can, I get jealous someone had a better night than I did.

@runjhunmehrotra: Pls tell me if you can do drunk texting better than this 😂😂