@NotJPo: "Baby, I'm gonna make you mine."
- sweet talker forcing someone to be a coal miner
@TheMichaelRock: God: One last thing before I let you in. Let's look at your Google search history.
Me: I'll show myself out.
@kcmoore51: [sanitation worker knocks at my door]
The amount of McDonald's related trash we're collecting from your home each week has us concerned.
@meh_thinks: The phrase “A stone’s throw” has been discontinued.
Please use “In Wifi range” from now on.
@carlyken: I need a career involving less interaction and more pizza.
I've narrowed it down to:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle
@BamDebikins: Yes, mother, I have gained weight.
No, it was not appropriate to point it out by pinching my muffin top in front of thirty people.