@Smethanie: Baby, let's stay up all night and watch people Instagram the sunrise.
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@gman_kam: When black guys say "ya feel me?", I literally feel them so they know exactly what level of white I'm operating at.
@_correctomundo: Nephew: What's love? Me: Well, all the women text you except the one you like. And it hurts, so we drink. Sister: Get away from him!
@BradBroaddus: ME: I want to take long walks with you. HER: Aww...are you a romantic? ME: No, I don't have a car.
@CroweJam: I'll believe corporations are people when conservatives ban them from marrying each other.