@iRowlf: Baby monitors are pointless because most babies simply stop doing illegal shit as soon as they realize you've got their room bugged.
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@JulesShmules: H: I don't understand what goes on in your head. Me: If you prefer, I can quit twitter and just tell you all of this. H: No, we're good.
@Asbo_Unicorn: It is better to have loved and lost than have your face ripped off by a chimpanzee
@TheTobbie: Is it racist that I've been talking to this one white chick on my street for months now & just realized she's actually 5 white chicks?...