@josePhDhoran: *Baby presses 'snooze' to stay in womb extra 10 minutes*
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@ChipKellysBalls: To celebrate Boxing Day on Friday, I had a five minute training montage and beat the shit out of the biggest Russian I could find ...
@mattytalks: I booked a suite at a 5 star hotel and when my girlfriend arrived,on the bed spelled out in rose petals was "be right out,I'm taking a shit"
@MissBamantha: Grandpa Joe's all, I'm gonna just stay in bed for twenty years. Wait, a CHOCOLATE FACTORY? jkjk I can walk! He's my kinda people.
@Seinfeld2000: KIM KARDASHIAN: Elane you GOTA see the BABY ELANE: I follow you on instagram. Im gona see it