@AndyAsAdjective: Baby, tonight let's put the kids to bed, pour some wine, turn the lights down low & argue over whose turn it is to move the Elf on the Shelf
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@jordan_stratton: PAROLE BOARD: And what would you do if released? ME: Crimes. PB: Excuse me? ME: *leans into mic* RHYMES. I'M SUPER INTO POETRY NOW.
@dshack8: 6yo Son: Dad, why'd you spray cologne down there when you got outta the shower? Me: How's ice cream for dinner sound?