@AndyAsAdjective: Baby, tonight let's put the kids to bed, pour some wine, turn the lights down low & argue over whose turn it is to move the Elf on the Shelf
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@ceejoyner: For starters, you drew your mom the same size as the house. Good enough for the fridge? I don't even want it in my garbage.
@AimeeHelene1: Do poodle owners realize they just bought a dog with a shitty 1980s white girl perm?
@neiltyson: #WhenIWasYourAge: We had to open all doors by ourselves. None of them knew we were coming.
@AimeeHelene1: At my funeral, I want them to play "Thriller" and have someone that looks like me climb out of a casket, dancing. (wins at death)