@Shower4Thought: Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.
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@shadygeekdad: DM: This person is writing offensive posts about you. ME: Oh cool, you follow my wife! Tell her I said hi!
@Love_bug1016: Him: you watch too much Food Network Me: just enjoy your artisanal bread covered in a delectable berry compote Him: its toast and jelly
@moneybreton: Top Fears 1.Walking on manholes 2.Driving, hit a deer, windshield breaks, deer caught and frantically bucks me to death 3.Christopher Walken
@TheMichaelRock: When my car starts making weird noises I just assume it's becoming a Transformer.