@torrami: Babysitting Pro Tip: Make them play Dungeons & Dragons until they love it so their parents will never have to worry about teenage pregnancy.
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@xLiserx: 1 of the 7 newly discovered planets has already been declassified after discovering it was merely Pluto wearing high heels & sunglasses.
@Sassafrantz: I was so surprised when he said those three little words to me: "You're embarrassingly bad at math. This is over."
@hipstermermaid: 1886: We invented a car! 1903: We invented a plane! 1969: We went to the moon! ... ... ... ... ... ... 2015: Taco Emoji!
@Phook75: No matter how much you loved them if a family member or pet comes back from the dead don't dilly dally kill them immediately