@funk62out: Back away slowly from the uncaffeinated woman.
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@BadMikeyBad: The scariest sound is an unknown crash followed by my 9 year old yelling "It's OK! There's nothing wrong! You don't need to come up here"
@Samigrl2: The problem with marriage is that it was invented when people lived to the ripe old age of 30.
@TheWoodenslurpy: Your secrets are safe with me because I literally won’t remember them. This also applies to your birthday. Your birthdays are safe with me.
@PetrickSara: What I say: Play outside. What my kid hears: Find a spot in the yard where I can't see you so I constantly imagine you've been kidnapped.