@funk62out: Back away slowly from the uncaffeinated woman.
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@david8hughes: [to hot girl at bus stop as bus approaches] "I could easily afford to get on that if I wanted to."
@JasonBerlin: 1. Bang knee on table - curse life. 2. Check credit card balance. 3. Think back to sweet moment when you banged knee on table.
@XplodingUnicorn: The most disappointing moment of my adult life was when I found out a vaporizer is an e-cigarette and not a death ray that vaporizes people.
@LucTabone: My son has the ability to predict what will happen in the future and later explain why it didn't happen. I think I'm raising a politician.