@speevis: Back from my bike ride and I feel fit as a fiddle ... the fiddle, ya know, that most athletic of instruments...
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@aSapCoolDad: *shows up to marathon with perfect hair* Yeah I've been conditioning a lot for this race
@_TeaChap: Scientology, because even Jehovah Witnesses need something to laugh at after a hard day of knocking on doors.
@mayamanion: Ok parents who have really clean houses, do you have outdoor pets and outdoor kids? How does this work?
@pharmasean: [At maternity ward] Me: is this where babies are delivered Nurse: Yes Me: You ought to be ashamed. Babies need their livers