@redherringbear: Back in college, I used to hang a sock on the doorknob when I wanted to signal my roommate that I had no idea how to fold laundry.
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@iGreenBabe: When a woman asks you to guess her age, it's like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.
@KeetPotato: [talking to my guide dog] this better be the hospital this time and not wimbledon again [from a nearby speaker] "FIFTEEN-LOVE"
@StansaidAirport: Festive Fact: Women who put on weight over the festive period are 98% more likely to live longer than their partners who point it out.