@DaddyJew: Back in my day we had another word for selfie sticks, we called them friends.
@Tmoney68: Saw a police officer dressed as a pilot today & thought it was weird. Then I realized he must be one of those "plane clothes cops."
@behindyourback: Why do birds suddenly appear/every time you are near/just like me they long to be/eating your sandwich
@13spencer: "I'm a diamond in the rough."
"That's a whole lot of rough."
@elynnbarlow: *Gets divorced*
*Deletes 'actress' from LinkedIn profile*
@SuchaDumbWorld: No officer, Vodka and I were hanging out and this car decided to join us.