@AndyRichter: Back in my day when we found a Pokémon we had to beat it to death with a rotary phone
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@ThePocketJustin: Draw attention to your older tweets by being arrested on suspicion of multiple murders.
@djdarrellripley: Me: !!Ugh!! YOUR DAMN DOG IS STARING AT ME AGAIN! Him: Just ignore him. Me: I'm trying! Him: I was talking to the dog...
@shariv67: Him "You run like a gazelle." Me "I'm graceful?" Him "No. You'd be easy prey for a mountain lion."