@dumbbeezie: Back to the Future but it’s just me trying to break my parents up at the school dance
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@WonderMonkey78: Atheists don't believe in God or the "i before e except after c" rule of spelling.
@GrillyJoel: INTERVIEWER: so it says on your resume that your greatest strengths is correcting grammar and talking like a pirate? ME: are INTERVIEWER (impressed): Holy Shit
@Tommytoughstuff: *Looks around nervously* The steam from my pasta is ungluing my chest hair toupee and the other mafia bosses are taking notice.
@KingRainhead: i always wear this epi pen its rly special. my friend gave it to me literally as he was dying it seemed very important to him that i have it