@LuckyPetDeals: BaD BoY!!
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@nbadag: [hosting a kids show] ME: ok everybody, what time is it?? say it loud!! KIDS: OWL! TOUCHING! TIME! [camera zooms in on a startled barn owl]
@Smooheed: I see you keep your wallet and cell phone in your bra Cute *reaches into bra, pulls out an entire wheel of cheese*
@MischievousJam: I ate 23k pounds of cream cheese yesterday. BUT, there were nuts in it and I yelled FITFAM the whole time so technically it was health food