@audipenny: Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?
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@kwirkyKerri: Most women have a love hate relationship with their scale, but I'm convinced mine goes out of her way to piss me off.
@TheCatWhisprer: Just got kicked out of Chipotle for knowing what I wanted when I got to the front of the line.
@mattZillaaaa: Whenever someone tells me "make yourself at home" at their house, I always clog their toilet
@wilw: "Miss Yates, why didn't Sam and Frodo just use the eagles to fly the ring to Mount Doom?" - Ted Cruz.