@audipenny: Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?
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@Cheeseboy22: We reach out to meet each other half way, filling the vast void between us. We yearn to become as one." - A poem by my eyebrows
@topaz_kell: The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation.
@bouncerface: Everyone complains about immigration until they're searching the city for a decent taco.
@dumbbeezie: Me: What are the lyrics to every 80s sitcom I've ever seen Brain: Coming right up Me: Remember to pay that bill Brain: Nope