@audipenny: Bad credit? No credit? First time buyer? First time baby? No legs? 8 legs? You a spider? Are you a Spider trying to buy a house?
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@murrman5: "did you ever get married?" [wife looks around her old gym at high school reunion and sees me debating if I can touch the rim] no
@NickBossRoss: A friend and I just decided that in 10 years if we aren't married we will tell each other what's honestly wrong about ourselves.
@LADaddy: Reporter: Tell me about him Neighbor: He was so nice, sweet, friendly, funny R: Do you think he killed those people? N: Oh, yeah absolutely.
@ToxicProbably: Don’t tell me I look good for my age tell me I look good for someone who is incredibly lazy and eats like I’m on death row