@rmfnord: Bad enough that literally no one showed up for my Super Bowl party today, but now I can't even find the game on tv to watch.
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@pissrifle: GREETINGS MORTAL, YOU MAY ASK ME ONE QUE- "what's the deal with airline food?" GODDAMNIT JERRY HOW DO YOU KEEP FINDING THIS CRYSTAL
@Gooooats: According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
@TheNardvark: If Natalie Portman dated Jacques Cousteau they would win celebrity couple nicknaming forever with "Portmanteau."