@rodimusprime: Bad guys gotta have a meeting and decide once and for all Liam Neeson's family is off limits.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 5-year-old refused to eat her dinner because Netflix was running slow. At least she picked a worthy cause for her hunger strike.
@icecube: Stealing endorsements is not how you become the president of the United States, homie. Leave my name out ya mouth...
@Reverend_Scott: Ways to tell a woman's mad at you: 1. She's silent. 2. She's yelling. 3. She acts the same. 4. She acts different. 5. She murdered you.
@Tommytoughstuff: "Have a seat" *Turns on video of son eating pizza with a fork and knife.* "Dad I..." **Dad puts up hand* "Please don't call me that."