@Smooheed: Bad hair day 429: I no longer look as though I've been electrocuted, but the birds, so, so many birds
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: I share an office thermostat with a middle aged woman. I'm in a t-shirt while she's rubbing 2 pencils together trying to start a trash fire
@TheCatWhisprer: Can't believe how divided we've become over an election. It's not like it's the color of a dress or something.
@Manda_like_wine: Sorry I pretended I was drowning so you could see how incredible my hair looked underwater.
@YuckyTom: the funniest thing i’ve ever said was on april 11th 2009 to my dad’s cat and no one else was around to hear it. a car horn honked and he hopped off my bed and ran downstairs and i said “oh shit is your ride here” and laughed alone to myself for like five minutes straight