@Smooheed: Bad hair day 429: I no longer look as though I've been electrocuted, but the birds, so, so many birds
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@HeatherLuvsYou: A foreign kid asked me how to speak English the other day, so I teached him some.
@squirrel74wkgn: Sorry honey, I didn't get you anything for Valentine's Day. Wife: It's not until next week... [one week later] Sorry honey, I didn't...
@thepunningman: Me: It stands for Greatest Of All Time Jeweller: I just don't think your wife will want "THE GOAT IS MINE" inscribed on her wedding ring