@TheBoydP: Bad is when you finish the dishes then see a few more things to wash. Worse is when your wife is there so you can't say you didn't see them.
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@juanadog: *kicks door down* *realizes its the wrong house* *leaves* *comes back with tool bag* *fixes door* *apologizes*
@AndyAsAdjective: FRIEND: are you going to watch star wars tonight? ME: uhh…yeah…of course [later] ME: [looking up from telescope pointed at night sky] odd…they seem to all be getting along just fine
@YUCKYBOT: I wouldn't want lesbian parents. Not because I'm homophobic. I just don't want to get stuck in an endless loop of "Go ask your mother."
@liv_thatsme: My therapist told me to put away my phone and spend more time with my friends, but it’s like: hey, which is it?