@SeanINCypress: Bad news is I'm not fluent in Starbucks. Good news is I ordered a skinny Latin, and Marc Anthony is a real sweetheart.
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@david8hughes: [under heavy sniper fire] Platoon leader: where's that sniper fire coming from? Me [crying a fair bit]: a big gun with a telescope on it
@TheBoydP: Did you know a tornado with no debris is called a naked twister? Related: This evening is not going how I imagined.
@jonnysun: SPELLING BEE: spell "configurable" ME: C-O-N-F-I-G-U-R-A-B-- SPELLING BEE: (interupting) yes i am a bee but i fail to see why thats relevant
@aneesa_p: First rule of brown girl club: Don't wear pink & white striped shirts; you'll look like Neopolitan ice cream.