@SeanINCypress: Bad news is I'm not fluent in Starbucks. Good news is I ordered a skinny Latin, and Marc Anthony is a real sweetheart.
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@david8hughes: [bank robbery] Robber 1: put money in the bag Robber 2: how come u get to be robber 1? Robber 4: how do u think I feel. There's only 3 of us
@str8outaCompUSA: Jesus, don't take the wheel. Give me your keys. Sober up. *hands cup of water* DON'T TURN THAT INTO WINE AGAIN
@orange_rhymer: [alternate reality] [dogs walking their humans on leashes] dog1: have u heard of upman? dog2: whats upman? dog1: not much man whats up w/ u?
@Awesome_Todd: I like to remind my kids who's boss by putting a cherry tomato on top of their ice cream sundaes every once in a while.