@ChipKellysBalls: Bad news: pulled a muscle. Good news: implied presence of muscle ...
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@ArfMeasures: TORTURER: I'm gonna water-board u ME: Hahaha, where u gonna find enough water TORTURER: *takes Tupperware out of the dishwasher* ME: Oh shit
@MarlonBrandNO: [date] "don't let her know ur from twitter" Her: whats wrong? Me: This fork only has 3 prongs Her: So? Me: it should be called a threek
@rage_chaos: You think you're pretty smart until you have to figure out how to turn on someone elses shower.