@KenJennings: Bad news, the police just seized our German holiday bread. They said it was stollen. Folks, they said it was stollen.
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@david8hughes: "Write this down." [Moses grabs tablet] "Thou shalt not steal [raises eyebrow] where did you get that tablet from?"
@PetrickSara: I bought jalapeño chips so I wouldn't have to share with my kids. It's not working. My daughter is just eating through the pain. She's mine
@papasuncle: ATM is telling me I have insufficient funds. Worst part is I was just walking by minding my own business.