@KenJennings: Bad news, the police just seized our German holiday bread. They said it was stollen. Folks, they said it was stollen.
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@PaperWash: "Sorry I'm late" Why are there scratches all over your face? "Jujitsu training" You can scratch in jujitsu? "It's my cat's best move"
@FilthyRichmond: Fox News reports that President Obama rapped his oath in Arabic while cutting the head off a goat.