@lazerdoov: Jerk chicken is just regular chicken that didn't let it's daughter go to prom

@AngryRaccoon2: If you keep your curtains open at night, please know I WILL slow down as I drive by to critique your decorating and see what you're watching.

@TheHyyyype: [friend is showing me around his city] HIM: and that right there is the children's hospital ME: *struggles with this for a minute* how the hell are children running a hospital

@bestofnextdoor: #polloftheday

@fuzzlime: too much pressure deciding when to look at a person walking towards me on the sidewalk