@dafloydsta: INTERVIEWER: Says here you do magic tricks?
ME: *hands him back his business card* Is this your card?
INTERVIEWER: holy shit
@oothikicha: Guy: you've been a bad girl.
Girl: yes baby, punish me.
Guy: OK. *burns all her shoes*.
@secondofhername: The downside of studying law: you think a lawsuit is the solution to all problems. *resists from threatening Dominos for not giving oregano*
@thejamietighe: Tried cleaning the house to the A-Team theme and ended up building a tank. So close.
@Mr_Kapowski: *returns lost dog*
Lady: That's not him. He was white
Me: *holding a brown dog* He asked to swing by the salon. Add the color to my reward
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